You want to scream, but you can’t. You won’t. You know that if you start, if you dare let go, you will never find yourself again. And then, you will lose. You will, for certain, lose.
Time only moves forward. You can’t go back. You can’t make it right. You can’t make it anything. It’s not a silly life lesson, or a minor bump in the road. You naively think that you can shake it off, in proper time. But, it lives inside you, it festers, it breathes. You cannot deny its existence, for it has formed mold onto your soul, and it’s here to stay.
You should know better, but you don’t. You’ve lived. You’ve loved. You’ve been there, done that. Maybe twice. Maybe even three times over. You might think you have it all figured out. But, you don’t. You never did. And you never will.
The years will pass as time brings you more bounty of opportunity and pleasure. But, the bounties promise nothing. Keep guarded and ready, because you will need to run and hide. Sooner than you think, or ever reasoned.
The perpetual denial you project is almost laughable. I can see and hear that old, stubborn optimism of yours! You masterfully convince yourself to hold on… to just hold tighter and get through it, to have faith. You’re always hoping and wanting for better and believing that you deserve life’s bliss. That it’s finally due. That it’s coming for you.
So you wait, and you pay close attention. You observe. You then start to participate. You’re back in the game. Some things look good, appear promising, and packaged quite nicely, luring you in. But, you’re being led. Don’t be gullible… don’t be fooled… again.
It’s quite unfortunate that you will likely make more mistakes and forego all sensibility, in the name of love. You’re human, so you will falter. It’s sadly expected. You will accept what is presented to you in your trusting, loving way. Your heart will blossom again, and you will stand proud and confident, cloaked in your false sense of security, while the universe keeps you guessing… keeps you entangled, just waiting to show its hand. You will have a lot of patience. You’ll be so strong, so committed, so admired. You will endure. And then, you will die. Congratulations! You will finally win once you’re dead. You will have outlived the next heartache.
Now, imagine you’re dead. But, really, you’re not. The opposite is true! You are just born. You draw in your very first breath, and you look around, taking in your surroundings. It’s beautiful… it’s unbelievable. It’s Heaven! Thank goodness for Heaven! You are home! You are saved!
But, wait! Don’t sign up for harp lessons just yet. Don’t, for one second, think you can’t be baited in Heaven. Those sweet, protective angels rush to you, encircle you, they sing for you, and they guide you along. But, should one of those cupid-looking, doe-eyed angels ask if you want to come back to Earth, be sure to smack their halo to the ground, and kick their winged ass straight off their cotton-puffed cloud.
You are done.